Before the Rooster Crows

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This is part of the wall that separated me from the rooster. 

Have u ever been around a rooster when it’s crowing? It’s ear-piercingly loud and the most annoying sound. When I was in Africa we slept in a house that had the windows open at night. It never failed the rooster just over the wall would start crowing at 4 am! BEFORE the sun came up! It wasn’t just one crow to let us know that we should be up. It was crow after crow. I told our host not to be surprised if said rooster disappeared in the middle of the night. Hashtag this rooster must die!

Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, Peter–this very night, before the rooster crows,  you will deny three times that you even know me.” Matthew 26:34 NIV

I have to think that Jesus chose a rooster crowing because he knew it would get Peter’s attention. Right on cue when Peter denied he knew Jesus for a third time a rooster crowed. Imagine what went through Peter’s mind when he realized he did what he said he would never do. 

What are you doing to deny Jesus. What choices are you making that cause you to push your relationship with Jesus aside. Are you at a party and seeing everyone around you laughing loud and downing drinks which seem to make them louder and more fun! Then the conversation in your head starts. I know this isn’t the life I should be living but I just want to be a part of what everyone else is doing. I’m too scared to show anyone that I want to live a life in Christ cause I just want to fit in so bad. Have you ever thought that they are having the same conversations in their heads. Those loud laughs are the perfect cover up for guilt and shame. 

After breakfast Jesus asked Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” “Yes, Lord,” Peter replied, “you know I love you.” “Then feed my lambs,” Jesus told him.  John 21:15

Even though Peter denied knowing Jesus, he was given a second chance to live a life with Christ. He has given us all that chance. When Christ died on the cross he took all of our sins and washed them clean.

Don’t wait for the rooster to crow. Come to Jesus and you will have the fullest life in him. I guarantee all those loud laughers will soon be looking at you and want what you have.


Sledge Hammer Therapy

I have become the master of not letting anyone see my true feelings. I even stopped sharing how I am with my closest friends. I think I just plain feel bad for always venting about my life. Sometimes I will go around the table and will ask an endless stream of questions to everyone else just to avoid the subject of me. Inevitably one of them will call me out on it. “So Jenni, what’s going on with you”? Cue the tears.

I am learning it’s not healthy to stuff my feelings away. My body feels it. I think my anger and sadness show up as pains all over my body. Being in a constant on edge state. With all my muscles tensed all the time, pain shows up in the craziest ways. My back is killing me. I get massive headaches. My eyesight is done at the end of the day. All because I won’t let go of these feelings inside of me.

Have you ever noticed how everyone on the design shows always seem so happy? I think I figured out the secret. Sledge hammer therapy! They start out with a mess of a house. Then they get to take a sledgehammer to it. What emerges is a new beautiful space. I am the mess before the sledgehammer. It’s time I start knocking down these walls and throw out the junk I’ve been clinging to. It’s time to build something new.

So why not start with an actual sledgehammer? This is what I did. I had these shelves that I have been wanting to tear down for a long time. I had a sledgehammer. It was go time! I have to say it was awesome! With every blow and crack of the wood I could feel my body let go. I can’t remember everything I said but with every swing I let go of a piece of my hurts. Crack! Why did you have to die?! Crack! Why do I have to be alone?! Boom! why…Why…WHY?! It seemed like seconds went by and I had all the shelves knocked off the wall. As the broken pieces headed out the door so did some of my brokenness.

Clean house! This is the stage I am at now. I need to stop shoving my mess into the hidden spaces and deal with it head on. Then take it out with the trash. I know I will be whole again. I’m looking forward to who this new me will be. I can’t wait for the final reveal. Until then, I will Purposely keep knocking away at the walls I’ve built around me. I can see them for what they are now. The walls aren’t a protection. They are a prison of my own making. I want to be free! (this would be a good time to play I want to break free by Queen)

I have loved you with an everlasting love;

I have drawn you with an unfailing kindness

I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt

Again you will take up you tambourine

And dance in the street with the joyful

Jeremiah 31:3-4