The Day

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This is it.      The Day.    May 30th…

A day that was once anticipated and longed for. A day that was celebrated. Now May 30th is a day for remembering.

May 30th 1992 I married my best friend. Today would have been our 25th anniversary.

On May 30th I married a guy I was so in love with. When we were together everyone and everything around us seemed to disappear. It was just us. He would make me laugh so hard. His grandmother would yell at me from the other room, “stop that giggling!” I tried but Donald was just too dang funny. We were rarely apart. Even when he was at work I would go hang out with him.

I can’t remember every May 30th, but I do know we always did something special. AND it ALWAYS involved food! Eating at some nice hole-in-the wall restaurant or at one of our usual favorites. Donald was the guru of the best places to eat. He even made up a cheer for the egg rolls at China Garden. If you’ve ever eaten these egg rolls you would understand. Food was always at the center of our celebrations. Another fun fact about Donald was he never could wait to give me gifts. He was like a little kid that way. One time we went to San Antonio for the weekend. In the car before we ever left Houston, he was handing me the gift he bought me. He loved giving gifts! He also loved leaving me little drawings and love notes everywhere. He even drew me a cartoon on the toilet paper in the bathroom of him sitting on the potty with the caption “always thinking of you”.

May 30th 2017 will be my 3rd May 30th without Donald.

It’s hard to believe it’s been almost 3 years since I last saw him. Since I felt those big bear hugs. Those hugs made me feel safe. Those hugs made me feel as if we were one person. I so miss those hugs.

This May 30th . . . This is a weird one. I’ve been so emotional this month. One minute I’m laughing and cracking jokes. Then for no reason I burst into tears. What the heck?! I was having the house painted and we were literally talking about getting doorstops at Home Depot and there they came. Tears pouring out of my eyes. I’ve truly lost it! I started apologizing to my friend/painter “I’m sorry I don’t know where that came from.”

But I do…

I’m in this what I call “transformation phase”. I’m saying goodbye to my old self and hello to this new me! I finally feel like I’m becoming whole again. In fact I feel much stronger that I ever was. When you go to hell and back it has to strengthen you, right?  The path I thought I would be on today has changed. The plans Donald and I made are gone with him. The tears are me letting go and saying goodbye (for now). I’m embracing this new journey. I’ve decided to say yes to everything!! (as long as it’s legal and doesn’t go against my beliefs). I want to live a good and fulfilling life, even if I do this alone or drag some unsuspecting friends along for the ride. I’m still on this planet so God must need me for some purpose.

May 30th will always be a special day filled with wonderful memories. I’m claiming this day not to morn the loss, but to celebrate all the amazing years we had together. Years, that now looking back, were such a gift. I urge you to look around at the people in your life right now and cherish each moment you have with them. Everyday is a gift.

My steps have held to your paths; my feet have not stumbled. Psalm 17:5

Heavenly Father,

Thank you for putting such a great man in my life. Say hello to him for me. Help me to embrace this new path I’m on. I pray that you will stay my main focus. Help me to live this new life of yes and take all my fears away. Help me to see the joy in each moment and remind me to appreciate the time I have with those around me. Father help heal the marriages that seem so fragile in todays world. Let them see their partners through your eyes. Put a hedge of protection around them from the subtle ways satan tries to break these marriages apart. Heal broken hearts and make their love stronger. All things are possible with you! In your son’s holy name Jesus! Amen